Where do you fit in? How much should you get involved? Where is it safe to provide input and direction? Should you speak only when spoken to? You get the picture. Here are a couple of simple basic realities you can work within. They are not perfect but they fit a pretty wide spectrum:
1. Her mom has been thinking about this day since before she was born. Most likely your daughter has been thinking about her wedding since the very first time she saw a bride in a dress whether that was a real bride or a Barbie doll. In other words, they have a whole bunch of time already invested in ideas and dreams for the wedding. They want to hear your opinions but let's face it; yours have a much shorter life span.
2. There is a grooms mom in this exciting day to come. Sometimes she is welcomed into all of the planning right from the start. Although they might not ever admit it sometimes she is welcomed but they are secretly hoping she really does not have very much input; if any at all. Sometimes she is not welcome only she does not know it. Make sure you know this answer before you start backing or supporting any of her ideas.
3. Your daughter may not always want your opinion but she ALWAYS wants your attention. This is the biggest day of her life (you already had yours with her when she was born...) and she expects you to pay attention and be a part of it. Focus and listen. Call her and ask how it is going. Offer to help. Turn the game off when she is talking.
4. She needs a budget EARLY in the process. The earlier the better. There are too many decisions and priorities to make without you helping her by putting in some restrictions. Even if you are smitten by your little girl and seek to give her everything she wants; she still needs a a budget. It will help her; I promise.
5. Here are some areas you should have an opinion or participation:
A. Go to the dress fitting or final selection. Your daughter will look beautiful in her dress. I promise. Right now you will only see her one day in it. If you go to the final dress selection you can sneak another day in. It is worth it. You will love every dress she puts on no matter what the cost. It is a really cool experience. It was my very first real "wow moment" that she really was going to get married. (Note: You can also catch the bridal pictures too-I missed these. )
B. Walking down the aisle and your first dance are yours and yours alone. Have an opinion and participate. If she wants to do a cool dance; go for it. Start collecting pictures of you and her and play them while you are dancing. (See my picture below for an example of this...)
C. Spend some time with her listening and or selecting the song you will dance to with her. It is and will be a clear boo-hoo moment.
D. Note: I did not say get involved with the guest list. If asked (only if asked and very reluctantly...), provide a list of the people you have thought of that should be considered. If you gave her a budget you are already feeling the effects of the list selection. This is an area to stay out of and avoid for as long as possible.
6. Finally tell her fiance the next time you see him that "You have not given her away to him yet. Right now she is all yours and will be until that night!" Always good to mark your territory.
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