We are getting a lot of snow in Dallas Fort Worth right now. It is creating havoc with the Super Bowl. Vendors, retailers, guests all had high expectations to party, shop or simply arrive in town on time. With every icy cold day that passes, the time available to accomplish their goals is shrinking as we progress to the big game.
No different for a wedding. Lot's of work, fun and family with a due date that does not change. Inevitably something will go wrong and that usually means panic or at a minimum a lot of stress.
So as the Father of the Bride, what should you do? I have watched a number of Dad's navigate these troubled waters and I have had to do it myself. This is by far not a complete list of advice but it should get you started:
1. Remember this is a wedding and everything leans emotional and not rational. I know this is not true in all cases but when your daughters (or your wife's/mom's) head starts rotating 360 degrees over the selection of napkins, I want you to be prepared... A wedding is probably the most emotional event your daughter and her mom have ever been involved with together. Lots of pent up expectations and a completely unrealistic desire on everyone's part (including yours) that everything be perfect. This means that even small issues can become large issues. My advice is too look at every issue and treat it as a big issue. This means everything is important and EVERY thing can produce stress and tension. I am basically trying to eliminate you telling them "this is not a big deal...you should not be getting upset about something this small...". It also is your daughters wedding so everything to you should be a big deal.
2. Ask early and often where you can help out: Natural inclination is to stay out of the way (Note: I have perfected since childhood: The less you know; the less you have to do...). That does not work in this case. If you are involved early and often then you can provide direction, opinions and help because you get what is going on. Never hurts to have a "meeting" once a week to get a status and find out where you can plug in.
3. Keep a close eye on the money- Early on there are lots of deposits and lots of vendors added. Be aware that these are only deposits and those numbers will grow. Just because a venue has a food and beverage minimum does not mean that you can plan on being below it come wedding day. If you have a large number of guests you will most likely exceed that number. Nothing builds stress like money issues. A budget by vendor is a good idea. How much you are targeting with each type vendor will help to keep things in line. You can always adjust as you go and move the money around if one is more than the other. NOTE: If you know what your daughter wants you can help her to prioritize what is most important to her. If you don't either you are going to have to spend much more than you expected so she can have EVERYTHING she wants or she is going to be disappointed. That is why you stay in touch.
4. Connect with the Groom with and without your daughter: Let's face it. She is soon going to be all his... The sooner you two can get on the same page the better. This is a great time to get to know him more and also to build the kind of team work you hopefully want for the rest of their lives. Also he is getting the brunt of all issues and he could certainly use some support as well. You might be able to go through him to get some of your ideas implemented. If you have not noticed she is probably a little more open to his ideas than yours anyway.
5. Take care of at least your side of the family: Have an issue with your side? You need to step up and take care of it. Even if it is not "what you do..."; you need to step up in this instance.
Stress and challenges never end: Expect it up to the very moment when she walks down the aisle. Embrace it, enjoy it and just remember in most instances you also get to pay for it!
Hope this helps.
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