10 Can't Miss Rules for the Wedding Party

Rule One: Show up on time
What is really cool about being in the wedding party is that "attendance" is over 50% of the responsibility. The hard part for many seems to be showing up on time. I know that sounds crazy but you would be shocked at how many weddings are delayed because they are waiting on someone from the wedding party. When you get asked before you accept please make sure that you have the "whole day/weekend" available to stand up for your friend, brother, sister.  For them it is an "all-in" affair. For you it is "being there" to witness the event. That means showing up on time.

Rule Two: Bring ALL your stuff
This sounds obvious but you would be surprised how often people forget items they need. Men have forgotten tux jackets; women their dress. We even had a bride that forgot her dress. We suggest you make a list of what you need and check it off before you get in the car. Your role at the wedding is to be a "witness" and to stand with them not slow it down or delay it because you forgot your bow tie.

Rule Three: Be nice to your "assigned attendant"
It is not marriage, a long term commitment or even a short term commitment. Whoever you are connected with for the wedding; just go with it. Other than walking back up the aisle and maybe getting introduced at the reception, you will most likely rarely see this person again. You may also be asked to sit with them for the dinner. Just remember that this goes quickly. Perhaps they are an interesting person and you can enjoy their company? Note to the bride and groom: When setting up seating in the reception consider whether you want to have the "groomsmen and bridesmaids" sit together for dinner. It is completely appropriate to have them all sit on one side or the other or have them sit with someone they invited to the wedding.

Rule Four: Stick around for Pictures
Pictures...lots and lots of pictures. Expect it. Smile, enjoy and most important stay in the room where they are taking them. You will be taking pictures before and after the wedding. Your attendance is mandatory-that's why you need to show up on time. This is very important right after the wedding. The wedding party has a tendency to "drift off" to the bar area. Please hang in there. At our place we bring the drinks and food to you so you are not missing anything.

Rule Five: Don't get hammered
How best to explain this?? You will have another 364 days to drink yourself silly. This is not the day. Remember this is your friends/ relative most important day of their life. Have fun, be crazy, keep your clothes on, no lampshades, throwing up, etc.

Rule Six: Dance...
When people measure the success of their wedding, many times it is about people dancing at the reception and having a good time. I cannot begin to tell you how many brides and grooms have huge expectations for the dancing at their wedding. You can help. Put your dance on and join in early and often.  This is especially true after dinner when the party is ramping up.  If the bride/groom and the wedding party do not lead the dancing time it just does not happen. Guys it is just not the bridesmaids. They need you as well.  Sometimes the bride and groom are just not into dancing; if so; you are off the hook.  If they are, then your participation is mandatory.

Rule Seven: If you get to make a toast..."stay classy San Diego"
This is more for the maid of honor and the best man but it could apply to you as well. Make the toast classy. It's not your wedding, it's not a frat party and most important it is not your audition for comedy central. Especially the "adult"comedy central. They chose you for a reason. They love you and they trust you. Now is not the time to bring up everything you ever did that "mom and dad" did not know about. Most people probably know that you "drank" in college. This also means they know you got sick and did stupid things. Be classy. Say something nice, funny and important. If you really feel the need to let loose; do it at the bachelor/bachelorette party.  One more thing; keep it short.

Rule Eight: Don't try and pick up the coordinator, waiters, waitresses, etc.-use the rest of your life for that.
This is mostly for the men. Wedding crashers was just a movie. This is especially true for the staff and workers. Trust me they have heard it all. Contrary to popular belief you are not cooler or more suave after you have had a couple of drinks. If you like someone try again when you are sober or at any other time other than the wedding.

Rule Nine: Ask if they want you to cover your "tats"

Tattoos for some can be out of place at weddings. They give a "different look" in gowns. We see a lot of bridesmaids cover up their tattoos for the wedding. Not sure if this something your bride cares about or not. But, they might. Be a friend and ask if they would like you to cover them up.

Rule Ten: It's not about you
This could have easily been the number one rule. It's just not about you. It's about you when you get married. Not today. It is about your friend/relative. Have an opinion? Coordinated a wedding? Don't like the wedding time, rehearsal location, or color of dress? Keep them all to yourself. If you are in the wedding; you have a history with this person. They love you and want you to be a witness for them on the most important day of your life. This is a great honor for them to choose you. You are important. Let's face it some day you may want them to stand up for you. Please know that they will also be a little crazy during this time. Give them some slack and help them make their day great. Just never forget they chose you because that would make their day great!

Have fun and enjoy the wedding!!!

Please check out an earlier blog called "Ten Can't miss rules for a wedding guest" http://piazzafatherofthebride.blogspot.com/2010/10/ten-cant-miss-rules-for-wedding-guest.html

The "other entrance"

Many of our blogs have focused on the "front chapel doors" and the beginning procession of the wedding. There is another procession going on. Less participants,virtually 100% male, and with a lot less fan fare- the grooms entrance. It's less fanfare because it is from a "side door"; many people miss it because they are focused on the bridal procession and let's face facts; it is not the bride. I figured we might want to shed some light on the "other entrance".

From the back of the chapel you see grandparents, parents, bridesmaids, ring bearer, flower girl and of course; Dad and the bride. Lot's of scurrying around, make-up checks, flower positioning, proud "grandmother smiles" when being escorted by her favorite grandson and tears-lots and lots of tears. Mom is either just about to break out and cry (but she usually does not), many of the bridesmaids tear up, unfortunately the ring bearer and flower girl-depending on their age- are the most likely to cry. Dad's are doing everything humanly possible not to cry. (Either you are a crying Dad or not. There is no middle ground here. I fought it.)The bride for the most part does not cry; (she and the groom usually wait till the vows) but she can tear up after she looks at her Dad one last time.

Over at the groom's entrance, things were a little different. Actually much different. Only three types over there:the pastor/officiate, the groomsmen and the groom .

The officiate is by far the most serious of the bunch. He is reminding the groom of where to go and when. He also offers a hearty congratulations and usually a comment about "not taking more than an hour or two for the ceremony". That usually gets a laugh from the groom.

The groomsmen are usually a pretty long line of guys. At our location www.piazzainthevillage.com, that line can stretch back to the groom's suite...where the TV is. So the end of the line is either watching the end of a sporting event or checking out the chapel cameras and watching the wedding. Next is the group talking about one of two things: how miserable they are in their tuxedos or everything and anything but the wedding.  Yes, it ranges on all subjects. No nerves, no stress and no tears.  There may be a conversation of hoping they do not trip, trying to remember the name of the bridesmaid they are walking with or how hungry (or thirsty) they are while hoping they can make it till dinner. These conversations though are pretty rare. Conversations are about everything but the wedding.

Finally it is the groom. The star (one of the stars...) of the show.  Usually the groom looks great. He has most likely just gotten back from walking his mom down the aisle and has scurried back into position. So a little breathless with one of two looks on his face. Mostly it is a sort of "deer in the headlights" look-resolute yet with a healthy dose of fear in his eyes. The other look is someone that has their game face on. Not alot of smiling but focused on the most important day of their life. He is usually talking to the best man. After a couple of fist bumps, maybe even a hug you would think there would be silence while they wait. Instead they move right into conversations about how much they will drink afterwards, their favorite college football team or the love life or lack thereof of the best man. In other words, the men while away their time talking about and doing the same things they always do. Let me be clear. The groom is ready, focused and really anxious to "get this started". It's just that guys seem to deal with the nerves and emotions much different than the "other entrance" of the chapel.

They then proceed out into the chapel; people glance at them and then turn their attention to the back of the chapel.

My perspective is that the "girls" wedding begins when they stand outside the doors of the chapel it is "game on". For the guys, including the groom; "game on" happens when they actually see the bride. Not just the groom but all of them. If you watch that seems to be when it clicks for them. I know it is hard to watch both the bride and the groom. Here is a hint: At the Piazza when the doors open the bride and Dad are standing still; they then take a step and stop again at the doorway. If you think of it; steal a glance at the groom. Pretty cool look on his face! It is definitely worth the glance. Then just follow his eyes back to what put that smile on his face...

Whichever entrance to the chapel they take; everyone ends up in the same place, at virtually the same time and with the privilege to share with the bride and the groom the most important day of their life.