Rule One: Show up
I guess it is obvious that in order to use a 10 point list when attending a wedding that you have to start with showing up. Unfortunately many people do not seem to understand this. There may be no bigger way to show a relative, friend or business partner how little they mean to you than to RSVP for a wedding and not show up.
The industry averages 10-15 percent no shows that RSVP. One wedding had a 50% no-show for people who RSVP’d.
Your hosts can be paying some where between 50 to 200 a person to share their special day with you. If you RSVP and do not come it is incredibly rude. If you are not committed, just say you cannot come. Most likely they had to cut their list back so they could afford the wedding. If you simply tell them you cannot go; they save the money or invite someone else that did not make the first cut.
There are no good excuses other than your own personal sickness. Things like baseball games, “you just forgot”. “the kids got sick”, “ we could not get a baby sitter” will not fly. You are better off just saying you are not going without an excuse than to have one after you RSVP and no show.
If you are RSVP and then find out you cannot go. Please call. Usually a bride has one to two weeks prior to the wedding to change their count. You can help them save money or invite someone that can come.
Rule Two: Show up on time
If the wedding starts at 7:00pm you should be there by 6:50. Arrive 10 minutes early. You would not believe how many people show up late for weddings. Most weddings last 20-25 minutes. If you are 10 minutes late you can miss over half the wedding. We have people that show up 45 minutes late. Yes brides do run late but not all brides. I would say 50% of them start right on time or would start if everyone is there. Get the directions prior to leaving for the wedding. (Note: Brides please make sure your grandparents and those in the wedding party/family members have the right directions. If someone is supposed to walk down the aisle and they get lost, everything gets crazy.) Make sure you have enough time to find the location. Be aware of traffic. Remember just because it is not the most important day of your life; it is for the bride, groom and parents. Assuming you are close to one of them the least you can do is show up on time to see the wedding.
Rule Three: RSVP quickly-do not wait.
We all have the best of intentions but this is an easy one to forget. Your best option is to respond the day you get it. Check your calendar and respond. You will have an envelope with a stamp and a simple check box and # attending. All very simple. Getting a guest count really helps the bride and family. It also keeps them from having to call you or track you down. Remember if you are not going it is better to tell them upfront then lie and say you are going and not show up.
Rule Four: If you have nothing nice to say; don’t say anything at all.
This ties closely with rule 7. We all have opinions but sometimes it is just not necessary to share them. Been to a better wedding facility? Had better food? Was the last wedding an open bar and not a cash bar? Heard a better DJ? Think the bride and groom will never make it? Don’t like the dresses? All these things need to be kept to your self. This is especially true of the bride and family. Remember everything at the wedding was chosen by someone and that “someone” liked them.
We had a wedding recently where the father of the bride was estranged from the bride. He went to the wedding but did not have a tux, walk her down the aisle or dance the father/daughter dance. I happened to overhear guests talking about the “deadbeat Dad” right next to him. You may be sitting with a step-mom, grand parent, close friend, doctor, etc. I know we love to gossip at weddings and family events but there is a high probability (50%) that you might be talking to the other side of the family about the grooms past history or the brides former boyfriends that you liked better. If you follow this rule you will always be safe.
Rule Five: Stay for the reception
When you get invited to the wedding it is for both the service and the reception. People that leave right after the service end up causing the same issues as people who do not show at all. It is important that you attend both events.
Attendance is defined as:
1. Seeing the wedding ceremony from start to finish
2. Attending the cocktail party
3. Staying for the meal
4. Staying for the cake cutting, bridal toss, garter, etc.
5. Seeing the bride and groom off to their honeymoon.
Reaching step 3 is the bare minimum- Step 4 is being very respectful of the bride and groom. Step 5 should always be your intention and planned time of leaving. If you have to leave early, try and stay through step 4 at least.
Rule Six: Don’t get hammered
Act like you have been out before. Just because it is an open bar does not make it “open season”. Find another time to experiment, let off some steam or for some; make it a change of pace and not get “lit”. There is nothing worse than a guest throwing up in the bathroom or bushes, falling over on the dance floor, slobbering all over the bride… you get the point. Also do not show up already hammered either. We have had to shut off a guest in the first cocktail hour. In another we never served them at all. They had partied prior. Bad idea. Also a DUI is a really bad way to have the bride remember you on her wedding day.
Rule Seven: Thank the bride/ groom and parents; say something nice
When you get a chance to say hello or thank you to the bride and groom, say something nice. Give them a compliment. They have worked hard and stressed over every detail. Do your part and notice. Find something you like and share that with them. Most important they would like to hear that you had a good time. Be nice.
Rule Eight: If your kids are not invited; leave your kids at home
Unless they were invited, leave them at home. They were not invited for a reason. They were not planned for so please get a baby sitter. If your kids are invited, please remember that the wedding is not about them. It is about the bride. I do not care how close you are to the bride or how close your kids are.
Let your kids dance but not every dance, not in the middle of the floor, not while the bride/groom are dancing their first dance, father daughter dance etc. Just because there is no one on the dance floor; it is not open season for them to dance by themselves. The lights and music are almost spell binding for kids. Kids are also very cute while they are dancing. If you are not careful they will take over the wedding. It is about the bride and groom first and foremost; not your kids.
Rule Nine: What goes on in the photo booth does not stay in the photo booth
Many photo booths have an option to record all pictures for a DVD. Enough said.
Rule 10: Don’t wear white or jeans either.
Only the bride wears white at a wedding. Not you. If you are a step mom and you want the bride to hate you for the rest of your life; wear white. Please, just do not go there.
Also do not wear jeans, flip-flops, shorts, etc.. Yes there are Cowboy weddings, and weddings on the beach. Unless you can get your feet wet in the ocean or the groom is wearing a Cowboy hat and specifically requests you wear jeans; leave the jeans at home. You must have something else to wear. If you do not own a pair of pants or a dress then buy one. If you cannot afford to buy some; please borrow some pants/dress from a friend or simply don’t go and send a really nice present instead.
